Miracles, Flickers and Self

I cannot say I am one of those people who have witnessed amazing miracles up close. On several occasions, while at church, I have wondered what it would be like to be present at one of those masses where God appears with a message for the entire congregation. Random, I realize, but hey, this is me. What I can say, is that I am lucky enough to witness less obvious miracles on a fairly regular basis, that remind me to keep moving forward, to keep my heart open and to trust the signs around me.

What does this all mean you may ask? Well, as I planned my trip home for the holiday (yes, I still consider NJ my home at this point) I prepared myself for the emotional onslaught of this first Christmas without my Mom, this first Christmas where my children will not wake up in their own house, this first Christmas where I will not be hosting my family around the dinner table in my own dining room. A lot has changed in 2015. And through this change I have become lost.

Even though all of these things are true about this Christmas, I have found a ray of hope instead of grief and sadness. Sometimes the best way to be found is to look into the eyes of the people who truly love you. These people hold your light for you when you are lost, to help you find your way back to yourself. Relationships this true are the miracle. People so unconditionally present in your life are the miracle. 

Remember the thing we used in science class to light the Bunsen burner? With each squeeze of the handle a spark would flare. With the help of others, that's me, inside, flicker after flicker working to bring back the light. Self-study lesson, and this is a big one for me, let people help you when you are lost because you don't have to do it alone. Look into the eyes of people who truly see you to find yourself again. Even if you just catch a glimpse, it's enough. It's a reminder. I'm thinking/hoping the rest will come when you are ready.

Merry Christmas and Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

A great quote to take with you into the New Year: "Change is the only evidence of life." ~Evelyn Waugh

Check out my sons weekly NFL updates, injury lists and analysis at itizjman.blogspot.com. So proud of him! 

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Imperfection is OK

I'm not feeling very inspirational this week!  With the busyness of the holiday season it's easy to get caught up in things, obligations, parties, shopping. The other day I binge shopped on Amazon because I was paranoid I didn't have enough "stuff" to give my family. I've been wrapping and frantically packing to be away for two weeks. I'm so excited about the road trip to see family and friends  I've been living in the future, imagining what the next few weeks will hold. Mostly, I have been forgetting to be in the moment. I've been forgetting to breathe and take time for silence and reflection. 

When I sat down to write this morning (a day late) I kept thinking "I have nothing good to write". After staring at the blank page I realized that not having anything inspirational to write was exactly what I should write about! Self-study lesson today, life isn't perfect. Perfection would be boring! Life is filled with times of busyness, moments we feel overwhelmed. It's important we ride each and every wave presented to us, not just the perfect ones. It's important that we check back in before we get to far away from Self. The more we practice checking in the less time we will go without doing so. For me, writing this at this moment is my check in! I can feel myself breathing with more awareness. I can literally feel my jaw release, my cheeks relax and my forehead soften as I sit here writing. 

Take a moment, right now, well after reading this sentence...close your eyes and consciously breath for a minute or two. Feel the change in your physical body, your mental state, your overall well being. Don't ask for perfection. Just ask to live in this moment in time.

Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

I downloaded the app CALM the other day, as a result of my holiday craziness! I'm really enjoying it.  It's really a great way to easily incorporate a mediation practice, conscious breathing, relax, live more mindfully. I listened to one of the sessions while sitting in carpool one day this week. Let me know what you think!

Check out my sons weekly NFL updates, injury lists and analysis at itizjman.blogspot.com. So proud of him! 

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Grateful for Angels on Earth

Hello there faithful readers! Today's blog is short but (hopefully) sweet. I am currently in love with the song Stand By You by Rachel Platten. Now, I know for some of you this song is a little "Top 40" but the lyrics are so beautiful I can't help but belt them out whenever I hear the song. For me, it is powerful, empowering and soul lifting. The song resonates with me so much at the moment because of the many people in my life who have been holding me up lately. This is just the first verse,

"Hands, put your empty hands in mine

And scars, show me all the scars you hide

And hey, if your wings are broken

Please take mine so yours can open too

Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes

And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I

And love, if your wings are broken

Borrow mine 'til yours can open too

Cause I'm gonna stand by you"

Listen Here

My absolute favorite line is "Love, if your wings are broken borrow mine 'til yours can open too". There are so many angels in my life at the moment, who have been lending me their wings this past year! I am so grateful for each and everyone of them...From the amazing man I married who lets me be who I need to be at every moment of everyday to the person who looks past the smile on my face and acknowledges the sadness in my eyes. From the person who calls me on my crap and pushes me forward to those who just listen! This Christmas season, look around you to find the angels in your own life who give you wings. Embrace those in your life who need to borrow your wings for awhile. Be grateful. And, most importantly, surround yourself with love.

Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

My amazing 12 year old son, James, has started a blog of his own. I have never met anyone who loves football as much as this kid! Check out his weekly updates, injury lists and analysis at itizjman.blogspot.com. So proud of him! 

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Lessons I Learned in Walmart

Yup, you read the subject of this blog correctly. Sometimes, you learn a lot about yourself in the most unexpected places. For me, it was Walmart. I was preparing for a Thanksgiving week full of visitors. With much excitement and enthusiasm, I carefully planned my menus and entertainment. The best place for me to get everything I need under one roof is the superstore known as Walmart. Sadly, we do not have Target in Somerset, *sigh*. Long, long list in hand I headed out on my adventure. The length of the list was weighing heavily on me but I was determined to enjoy the shopping experience.

Things were going quite well except for the disappointing fact that Walmart doesn't sell soft bread for stuffing making, shallots or Gruyere cheese. But, I am not to be deterred. I can simply pick those items up at my calm and quiet grocery store. I did notice for a Thursday, late morning, this place was packed! I figured I was getting a jump on the holiday shoppers since I was so prepared with my list a week ahead of time. Apparently, I wasn't the only person in Kentucky with this idea.

My happy mood began to shift as I turned down the aisle with baking needs. My daughter decided she wants to make a three tiered cake to serve as dessert on Thanksgiving. I am not a baker people, not even from a box! My one attempt at a cake was for my Mom's birthday years ago, she ended up with something like a birthday pancake. Not only is my daughter invested in the three layer idea, she also wants to turn the vanilla layer orange in keeping with the Fall colors. If the panic from this baking prospect wasn't enough, the sheer terror I felt entering this aisle was enough to put we over the edge! At least 90% of the shoppers were in this aisle, vying for positions closest to the shelf. A group of women were debating the merit of store bought fontana vs. homemade. They may as well have been speaking Greek! Ducking and pushing, I grabbed my boxed mixes and pre-packaged whipped frosting. Quickly scanning the food dye, I was mildly disappointed to realize the store did not carry orange but not patient and secure enough to figure out which two colors to combine to make this color. (Special thanks to my sister for decoding that for me).

By the time I clawed my way to the end of the aisle, using my cart to push people out of my way (don't judge, it was seriously every man, woman and child for themselves!), I was barely getting enough oxygen to my brain to stay upright! There was literal sweat running down my back as if I just ran a marathon in 100 degree weather with 85% humidity. What is the point of my story you may ask? Well, here it is...

1. First, I have never been a fan of crowds. They make me extremely nervous and very sweaty. I am one of those people who Christmas shops early and just goes to the mall during holiday shopping time to enjoy the ambiance. I always assumed the crowd thing bothered me because I am vertically challenged. Who knows?! If you ever ask me to go to a concert with you the answer will be NO! Unless we are in a respectable, crowd controlled theater.
2. Second, I'm really not a person who can shop for many items, with many planned meals, well in advance. I think I was meant to live in a small city apartment with minimal storage which requires me to pop into the market every day or two. Although the crowd thing might be a problem in the city!

At the end of the day, obviously, I survived this "harrowing" experience at the superstore known as Walmart. I did have to call my sister when I got in the car but that resulted in the the solution to the "Great Food Dye Case", so all is OK! Self study is about seeing yourself within the situations of your life. Really, truly seeing yourself. What you find is part of the journey. This isn't the first time a large crowd has thrown me off and it won't be the last. For me, I will shop differently next time, or perhaps bring a shopping partner. Take a moment to look at your own life, come up with a plan when you need one, and most importantly, be okay with where you are along the way!

Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

In salute to the superstore, Walmart, I thought I'd give you a little history.

1. Walmart opened in 1962! The first store was in Arkansas.
2. Walmart is now the largest retail store in the world. IN THE WORLD!!!!
3. This company employs over 2 million people world-wide. Thank you Walmart.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

My Absence

Hello Faithful Blog Readers!  I would like to say that the lack of a blog post these past few weeks is because I was off having soul nourishing adventures. But, alas, that is not the case! Although I did have an incredibly fun girls' weekend in Nashville with some of the most important people in my life. The lesson from that weekend is that I am old and ok with it!

Anyway, my lack of writing really is the result of a funk. A funk so intense I barely left the house...when I did we all laughed about it and celebrated. I spent many days clocking miles on my treadmill while being entertained by the witty banter of the Gilmore Girls. My, how I miss that show. It's amazing how one can justify binge watching TV if exercise is involved! This week I decided enough is enough. It is time to return to the land of people, life experiences and sunshine.

My mini life sabbatical was not without a lot of self-study! Many blogs ago I mentioned that I boxed my life into tiny compartments as a coping mechanism. Well, the boxes all started to tumble and open and crash around me. I wish I could report that these boxes held big lessons that prompted me back to a place of movement but the truth is they didn't. In reality, it's just time. Time to admit that I am sad, time to admit that I am homesick and time to accept life is taking me on this journey for a reason. 

Last week I was forced to ponder the question, when has life taken a different direction then I planned? My knee jerk reaction was NOW, moving away. As I spent more time with the question, as well as listened to what other people had to say in response, I realized there have been many times when my life has taken a different direction then I "planned". Silly human! And each time my life has become more full, my heart has grown and I've learned invaluable lessons.

So, I am admitting that I'm not okay and I'm okay with that (last blog post). I'm dragging myself back to life, perhaps kicking and screaming, but I'm doing it. A quote by Lao Tzu says it best, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Life knocks us down, right, it's just the course of things. How we proceed through the murky waters teaches us a lot about ourselves. Please continue to share your journey with me, whether it's through Facebook or email. I love hearing your stories of self-study! You all inspire me.

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Have you ever read any of Stephen Covey's books? I had a boss years ago, who I loved and admired,  he always referred to his books! The past few weeks I keep thinking about Covey and his messages. One of the quotes I enjoy is "If we keep doing what we're doing, we're going to keep getting what we're getting." I think I am going to hang this one up!

Remember, "You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens." ~Mandy Hale

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

f you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

5 Months Out

I was able to return to New Jersey this past weekend. While there I taught a Yoga class at my favorite studio on the planet, Pink Lotus Yoga! I went back and forth about whether or not to share the "theme" of that practice on my blog. Sometimes the things that happen in a Yoga class are just perfect for that moment in time.  A week has passed and I still feel this pull to post here. I'm trusting my instincts on this one. It's not exact, because the platform is different, but it is the essence.

The past 5 months has taught me a lot about life, loss and the incredible capacity human beings have to endure. Through this time of self study and reflection, through the loss of my Mom, moving and even writing this blog I have learned that everyone has an incredible story of courage in their lives. I feel like everyday someone is sharing their story with me. I am blessed to be able to receive their stories and their words as I work to share mine with all of you. It's an unexpected gift that sharing has given me.

The point is, we ALL go about our day interacting...basic human contact...sometimes by choice like with our family and friends, sometimes out of necessity as we go to the store or make doctor's appointments. Rarely do we stop and think, "I wonder how that persons day is, I wonder how much courage and strength it took them to get out of bed or leave the house today."

Perhaps it's the person you stand next to in line as you wait for coffee, a co-worker who sits next to you, or maybe just someone you pass on the street. Have you given any thought to those around you or are you completely focused on yourself? It really is quite remarkable how we can move through our own life disconnected from the world around us when we are surrounded by so many. I am definitely guilty of this!

Part of what I am doing in my own self study is learning to be part of the moment. This moment is not an egocentric moment. It encompasses everything around me, teaching me not to get caught up in my mind, my thoughts, my busyness...but to become involved completely! Try it...care for yourself and love and encourage others.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Do these things and notice how your perspective changes...
Say hello to everyone you encounter, hold the door for someone, smile at a stranger, ask someone how there day was and actually listen to the response, admit when you are not okay and be okay with that, care, sympathize, love, cry, laugh, grieve, let go, move forward, let yourself off the hook, accept your imperfections as part of what make you perfectly you!

Keep working to discover more about yourself and if you are in South Jersey visit this amazing yoga studio where everyone is at home! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Community

This past weekend life shifted a little bit for me in Kentucky. Friday, Julia and I went with some new friends the see the ballet in Lexington. James was invited to spend the weekend with a great new friend he met at school. Saturday we spent the day going to various community football games followed by a pumpkin carve and bar-b-que at a friend of Julia's house. We went to church on Sunday and a family we have been chatting with after mass asked us to come to dinner this week. Now, why the heck am I giving you the run down of our social activities?! Well, it's to lead to the purpose of my blog today!

One of the things I noticed through my reflection/self study time is I really miss the feeling of community that we had in Woodstown. I even "unfollowed" a lot of places and events because seeing the posts on Facebook made me so sad. For a place to feel like home, it's important to become part of something. As an adult I tend to find this more difficult than I did as a kid. I mean, really, am I suppose to walk up to someone at the grocery store and ask them to be my friend?! But, it's not an impossible undertaking.

My Mom gave me a piece of advice after we made the decision to move. She told me to say YES to every invitation that comes our way. With a yes here and a yes there, you meet more and more people. Those of you who know me well know that "yes" isn't an easy thing for me. Believe it or not, I am shy. Putting myself out there is a scary thing for me. So, once again, I am forced out of my comfort zone. I laugh a little at this advice because I realize once again how well my Mom knew me! She knew it would take courage for me to find my way. 

Meeting new people this weekend and connecting a little bit more with people I have already met truly helped me feel more ingrained in the community. I look forward to continuing to grow the relationships I have found here and creating new ones. So, if you are like me, and putting yourself out there in the world seems scary, take my Mom's advice. Say YES! 

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

I love this Christopher Robin quote to Winnie The Pooh, "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 

I'm traveling to New Jersey this week and will be teaching at Pink Lotus Friday morning at 9:15!!!  I would love to see as many of you as I can. 

Keep working to discover more about yourself and if you are in South Jersey visit this amazing yoga studio where everyone is at home! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Take Small Steps

Hello All! I'm back from my adventure in the mountains of Tennessee. I thought I would spend all of my time in the wilderness journaling, but guess what, the only thing I wrote down was a list of the things I need to bring next time. Actually, I'm glad that I didn't write!  Because, in all honesty, I was completely present in the experience with my family, not all stuck up in my head with my thoughts. It was a nice change of pace for me. I wanted to hold onto the quiet for a while so today is the first day I am sitting back down to write.

I had an interesting experience today, on my self study journey, that I thought I would share. Since I moved to Kentucky I have been putting off getting my Kentucky license. One day I didn't feel like it, another day I was "too busy", concern over the fact that the address on my license would no longer match my passport (btw that doesn't matter). Today, I had to get it done. I'm applying to substitute teach in my kids' schools so I needed a background check and a valid Kentucky license. 

This morning I was feeling funky... you know that whole tired for no reason, on edge, unmotivated thing that happens. I realized, through some early morning self study, that I was upset about letting go. All of this time that New Jersey license was a part of me that I wasn't ready to let go of yet. It was some sort of anchor to the past. Like, if I can hold on to that one thing life hasn't REALLY changed all that much! I literally dragged myself off the sofa, fluffed my hair, headed to Yoga to help me motivate and went to the judicial center. Well, once I arrived I realized I didn't have all the paperwork I needed. But, I will not be put off, today is the day!  I head back to my car, step in a steaming pile of dog poop and think...Yup, the universe does NOT want me to do this today!  Well, my friends, it was time. No lack of paperwork or dog poop was going to deter me. I needed to let go. So, I did! Goodbye NJ license, hello Kentucky. 

My entire life I've had a problem letting go. I remember as a kid taking straws home from McDonalds because I felt bad letting them go. So, here is the thing. No matter what tethers us in our lives. At some point the time needs to come where we let go. It's hard. It's often painful but each moment is a step. Take small steps each and everyday. I know my next step in letting go, think of something in your own life that you are willing to release!  We will do it together!

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

I could definitely use this quote as a daily reminder in my own life.

“The secret to life is to have no fear. When you can let go of what others think about you, how something is going to turn out, or how your past will affect your future, then you are finally living life free.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

Keep working to discover more about yourself and if you are in South Jersey visit this amazing yoga studio where everyone is at home! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Life's Questions

I was involved in a discussion group the other day where the question, "What do you miss most from your childhood?" was asked. Before continuing to read, take a moment to think about your own answer....

For me the answer came fast and furious as if this one word had been holding it's breath just waiting to shout from the rooftops.  My answer was/is simplicity. My fondest memories are the most simple things I participated in with my family and my neighbors...flashlight tag, Wiffle Ball games, catching lightening bugs, running around outside AFTER my bath in my nightgown! How scandalous! My favorite trips with my family were camping. I loved loading up the station wagon and pop-up camper at a moments notice to enjoy a weekend in the woods. Campfire chats, my Mom's sing-a-longs, picking blueberries for the pancakes Dad was making, the smell of coffee, the sound of my parents voices around the campfire while I was falling asleep in the camper.  We would spend two weeks at the shore every other summer. Do people even take two weeks vacation anymore? I loved those trips too, all day running on the sand, swimming in the ocean, avoiding jelly fish. Playing Bingo at night with my Aunt calling the numbers. I remember exactly the moment I won my first dollar playing Bingo! I guess you could say there was some Utopian charm to my childhood. But mostly, it was simple. There were moments each day to breath, dream, play, pray, laugh, cry. 

I have felt this eagerness almost like an unsettling nudge, inside me for quite a while. I couldn't but my finger on what it was until the word simplicity. Sometimes I feel like my children are missing out on simplicity. I began to realize I was already making unconscious efforts to capture this simplicity for my children, to slow down the schedule. Our summer was spent lazing around, reading, playing games, exploring. I have been fortunate to be home a lot with my children since James was 1 but for the first time I feel like I am truly taking the time to be present with them. We all got lost in the running, scheduling, texting, instagramming...

I've decide to take back simplicity, to teach my children what it means to just be. Each day finding time to breath, dream, play, pray, laugh and even cry when needed! This week, we are going camping for five days. Five whole days in nature, listening to the sounds of the wind, birds, bugs, hiking, sitting by the fire, sleeping on the ground in our tent, just being together. The excitement we all feel for this trip is palpable. It's the same excitement we have for our beach trips, and our Disney adventure. Self study is teaching me that we don't need a lot...we just need time together, presence and love. 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Today's post reminded me of this quote from Henry David Thoreau, which ironically I used as my senior quote in my high school yearbook. I guess I've come full circle...

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life..."

Have you signed up for Lotusfest yet!!!!!!???? Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Blueprint for Life

Over the past 7 years I was extremely grateful that I was one of those people who got to "do" what I love. In my naivety I was almost smug about it...like I had things figured out at such an early stage in my life. Teaching Yoga was not a decision I made, it was a calling. From the very first moment I stepped on my Yoga mat, through a dear friends urging, I knew that this was something deep and profound in my life.  Now, I realize not everyone practices Yoga or has any desire to practice Yoga but in order for me to get to the point I need to lead you there through what I know. Through teaching I met some of the most amazing and inspirational people on the planet! Everyone came to their mat with a story to share. I was blessed to be able to hear the stories. I knew, in my heart, this is where I would be for the rest of my life.  YEAH RIGHT!

My Yoga teacher in Kentucky, who is such a gift in my life, said the most profound thing in class the other day. To paraphrase she was talking about change and growth. How it's important for us to change and grow through our lives in order to fulfill the blueprint that has been laid out for us. Literally, I almost burst into tears! I was so angry at first thinking I already did that!  I followed the path, I had it right there, everyday! I'm tired, you know! At the ripe old age of 42 I'm too tired to follow the blueprint any further. (Cue the violins please!)

My blueprint changed when we decided to move to Kentucky. This is not a negative thing! I know there is a reason for this path but it can be hard to NOT grab ahold of the negative and let it fester, right?! The image of the blueprint and the truth behind the meaning has stayed with me the last few days. During class I could have allowed the emotions to take over, fed the anger but I reminded myself of what we are doing here. Self study is the blueprint. Now that the journey is out in front of me I don't want to roll it back up and place it tightly into one of those circular tubes. My mind went back to the old Cherokee Legend that I love and use often as a mantra: 

The Two Wolves

"One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, generosity, empathy, truth, compassion and faith.” The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked the grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

The Cherokee Legend is a great tidbit and inspiration for today!

Have you signed up for Lotusfest yet!!!!!!???? Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Why Today?

I had a memory a few days ago. Well, really just a small thread, that when pulled, the memory came back. It's funny how memories work that way sometimes. But, before I can tell you that I must go back...

There is a moment, the before and the after, when you realize, no matter what happens from that point on, your life will be forever altered. For me that moment was a Wednesday morning in May. My Mom was in the hospital again (7th time I think since December). We all knew this time felt different. My sister and brother took the late shift with Mom the night before and I took the morning shift. By morning Mom had been moved to a different floor, one that I was unfamiliar with. Trust me, after 6 months we all knew Cooper Hospital very well. I was instantly on alert because of the floor change. The moment I walked onto the new floor things started to happen in this very surreal way. The Doctor, who was on the phone, looked up at me when I said; "I'm here to see my Mom, Mary Jo Mullen." Instantly he hung up the phone, walked up to me and introduced himself. For me, that is the moment, the before and the after. If you have ever been in a situation like this you know there is a lot of medical this and medical that but the reality is you already know the outcome. The bizarre thing about a loved one dying after being sick is you are supposed to have all of this time to "prepare". Right? But no amount of preparing gets you ready for THAT moment. The call the rest of the family, time is no longer on your side, spend as much time as you can with the person, pray, cry, love, kiss, hug moment. And the thought, Why Today?

A lot happened over the course of the next few days which thankfully included my Mom being able to come home for her last moments. The thing is, I have all of these holes in my memory not just during that week, but the next few months. I feel like I woke up one morning in a strange house in a strange state and was like OH YEAH! THAT ALL HAPPENED!

I have to keep reminding myself that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Part of me handling everything was to...in the words of my Mother...sweep it under the rug. In my own limited capacity as a human I had to box things up in tiny little packages to be handled at a later date. So, these threads of memory are the little boxes I am ready to unpack. The memories of those final days with my Mom, the week between her death and her funeral and the move immediately after. I'm ready. Some of it is going to be painful. I might even let the tears come (stay tuned for an update on that) but I am ready. No one can move forward without dealing with the emotions of the past.

Today, I'm not a big fan of self study! Some days we will be and some days we won't. It's all part of the journey...the good, the bad, the ugly, warts and all. Try not to pick and choose where this path takes you. Open yourself up to yourself, no matter what bends and twists you might encounter on the road. 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Today I simply leave you with my favorite quote: "We can't do anything about the length of our life but we can do something about the width and depth." ~Shira Tehrani

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

Words of Wisdom

I finally went back to Mass over Labor Day Weekend. I admit my absence was partially my being lazy but a lot of the reason was facing my grief. Church has always been a very spiritual place for me, where I often tear up. So, I knew my return would bring up a lot for me. With the start of CCD for my children I guess you can say there was a big boot on my butt pushing me back. But that's life, right? Of course upon my return 4 out of the 6 songs that day were songs from my Mom's funeral! Needless to say, I was pretty happy I didn't know anyone!

The point is, I was so happy I chose that day to return to Church. A new Priest joined my parish here. To try to describe him is words would be very difficult. You just have to take my word for it that he is very different from the Priests I am use to (not meant in a good or bad way at all). When it came time for the Homily I was so interested in what he had to say, and I was not disappointed. To paraphrase he pointed out that as humans our nature is to stick close to people who believe the same things we do, who value the same things we do. Now this makes sense if you think about it. Like minded people moving in little pods together. But what he pointed out was if we live like this always, without taking a chance to converse with someone outside this pod (I'm calling it a pod by that way) we are missing out on opportunities for growth.  He asked that we just simply listen to the thoughts and opinions of others. We don't have to share them, adopt them, live them, but we should at least listen. It's the act of listening that affords US an opportunity to grow within our own lives. Think about how quick you may be to defend your way of thinking...is that out of some fear of letting go?

I like to listen to the thoughts and opinions of others. And I do sometimes find myself swayed by their words. At points in my life I took this as a weakness within myself. Almost like I wasn't standing by my beliefs in a strong enough way. As I matured I realized that wasn't true. I started to see the world through my own heart. (Insert plug for the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, please read). 

I am still working hard on learning my own heart but I really loved the way this Priest expressed the importance of the art of listening. Give yourself permission to at least listen, with an open mind. Then, look within your heart, have the courage to change if it feels authentic to you, trust your inner voice.

Namaste Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind." ~James Trunslow Adams

"One thing: you have to walk, and create the way by your walking; you will not find a ready-made path." ~Osho

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

It's the strangest thing...

The strangest part of my life right now is my "position" within my family unit. Before our move, I knew so many people around the community through my business, various volunteer organizations, church, school, etc. My children hated to go anywhere with me because I always ran into people I know. Now, as a stay-at-home Mom, my husband goes to work everyday, my kids head off to school and I hang out at my house!  Their pockets of friends are growing, they are making connections within this new community. It's harder for me since I am home. Now, this may sound like I am complaining but I'm actually not. This is a major step for me in my life and one I'm enjoying. Here is why...

You know what I really like about this new found dynamic?  My life during the day is very quiet. I've never had that before. I didn't realize how much I surrounded myself with people and noise until it was gone. It's like my mind is on this extremely peaceful hiking trip in nature. And, honestly, at the moment, I'm enjoying it.  I'm learning to become more decisive, less stressed, more open to everything around me. And, I'm able to listen to the little messages my Mom plops into my head every once in a while. A song she always sang is just in there, a word or a phrase she would always use just pops up. Mostly it's the things she hasn't said in years that I find the most delightful when they appear.

Part of my practice with Yoga is learning to quiet my mind, to meditate, to find peace without all the mind chatter. I always struggled with this. Sure, I would go through the motions, dust off my meditation pillow, sit and empty my mind. But once I was finished, I would head right back to the noise of life feeling the same way I did before the meditation session. I am learning I don't need to do anything structured or fancy to become quiet and to hold onto the quiet. I just give myself permission to sit in a place of peace throughout the day. 

Where is this lesson taking us you might ask? I know not everyone has long moments of quiet throughout the day and not everyone practices Yoga. Simply look for that time. Maybe it's in the car when you are commuting, or right before you climb into bed at night. Find a few moments to turn off the noise. It's not easy, trust me but it will be worth it! Quiet is a beautiful thing, available to us as often as we choice to seek it out.

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

“Each place is the right place--the place where I now am can be a sacred space.”

~Ravi Ravindra

Kenucky is known as the Bluegrass State. I have been fascinated by this because quite frankly the grass looks as green here as it does in the North East. I did a little research and this is what I found..."Bluegrass is not really blue--its green--but in the spring bluegrass produces bluish purple buds that when seen in large fields give a blue cast to the grass." I'm looking forward to my first Spring here to gaze upon the bluegrass. If I find any come Spring, I'll post some pictures!

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

"Inner Compass"

Who doesn't have a Alex and Ani bracelet these days or know someone who does? Me, I'm slightly, borderline obsessed with them!  Mostly, I love the cards that come with the bracelets. I am a firm believer in putting things on my body that mean something. I have been wearing the same necklace since 2010, the same earrings since 2006 and the same ring...okay it's my wedding ring...since 2000. These items all mean something to me. So, I absolutely cherish this new "fad" in jewelry. 

My most recent bracelet came from my cousin. It's called "Take The Wheel". The wheel charm is reminiscent of the wheel of a boat. The card details the significance of this wheel. "Your inner compass will steer you in the right direction. Providing you with guidance on your life's journey, it points the way that leads to a brighter future. Embrace a new start, take the wheel, and realize that all things are possible when you trust your inner power." I LOVE THIS. The Yoga girl in me just finds the whole thing very 3rd eye. The self study girl in me see this as a powerful reminder to trust myself. 

In all honesty though, we don't have to make a big move, change jobs, start writing a book to embrace a new start. Each day, each moment is a choice. Are we going to look at where we are in our journey, analyze our self at that moment and move forward or keep standing in the same place?

Confession time, I am prone to depression and anxiety. I have been medicated for it off and on over a number of years. My Yoga practice has given me the tools I need to deal with the things life throws my way. But, with the death of my Mom, some days the lure to stay in bed is so strong I am just proud of myself if I get off the couch!  You know what I learned...that is okay. Each day is a moment. Accept who we are at that moment but don't let it pull us under. Keep moving. Take the wheel and remember that all things are possible. One of many of my Mom's famous phrases was "give yourself a shake". Sometimes this phrase would bug the s*$% out of me, but that phrase has kept me moving these past few months.

For me, a huge part of self study is knowing where my emotions are headed and remembering I have the tools inside me to move forward. I use Yoga and exercise to release whatever I am dealing with, to face it feeling stronger. Figure out what works for you and commit to it! 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

More words from my brother who various talks for work and always includes a life lesson, something fun and obvious that we think but may not articulate. This is one of my favorites!

"When waiting for your luggage at baggage claim at the airport you are to stay five steps back from the carousel as to not crowd it for other people who need to grab their luggage as well. When you see your bag simply step up, grab it and step away. The hovering of the baggage claim carousel is one of the largest offenses in this world."

Perfect gift...Alex and Ani...check them out. A portion of the proceeds from each purchase is donated to charity. I love that about this company.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

What paralyzes you?

One thing I know about myself -  I have a hard time expressing my own truth, really standing up for myself. I tend toward the side of keeping the peace, not rocking the boat as they say. This is a very paralyzing way to be. I can almost feel the words and phrases trapped in my throat, just wanting to work their way out. I've been working on this about myself for a while now, years actually. My Yoga practice has helped me tremendously but with this transition time in my life I find myself falling back into the patterns of behavior I used before to keep myself safe. Even typing this is hard for me, I feel the urge to stop as this is deeply personal. 

As a result of this...shall we say aspect of my personality...I tend to draw people to me who eventually take advantage of me. I, with my infinite desire to make people happy and stay quiet, become an easy target. Little by little I find myself cowering in these relationships which is definitely not good on the self-esteem front!  

I could type and type away on this topic but that's not the point of my blog. The point is for each of us to recognize aspects of ourselves, both positive and negative, as our path of self-study. Truly look at what paralyzes you in your own life and work to remove that obstacle. I've really come to realize over the last few years that I  can continue to cower, allow myself to be taken advantage of, in one way or another, stop forging relationships, stop trusting people. OR, I can learn from these relationships, almost feel grateful for their place in my life as an opportunity to grow. You see, here's the thing, I like people, I enjoy having relationships with people. I have a big heart and I want to continue to allow my circle to grow.

My growth will come from trusting my instincts, listening to my inner voice and stopping this pattern of relationships before they get too far in my life. The crazy thing is, even with this hanging out there in my life, I also have some of the most wonderful people in my circle. People who fit like puzzle pieces in my life. Huh, maybe that's the lesson...life is all about balance right.  The good and the bad, the yin and the yang. Remember, life is about creating yourself!

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

"The posture of Yoga is steady and easy, firm and soft." Marianne Wells' translation of The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

This is my favorite of all the Yoga Sutras. I repeat this to myself often, as a mantra, throughout my physical practice. Now I am beginning to enjoy it as a metaphor for life. As we self reflect, see aspects of ourselves we would like to modify, relax your efforts a bit, hold steady and firm on the path but allow yourself to move forward with softness and ease.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Honor, Live It

I saw the title of today's blog on a billboard on my way to the grocery store yesterday. I was so struck by it that I replayed the quote over and over in my mind throughout the day. I reflected on whether or not I believe I am living my life with honor. Of course my first thought was sure I am.  But, am I truly reflecting on what honor means before answering to myself?  Would other people view me as honorable? Now, I know, if we are working on self-study why do we care what people think but sometimes others' perceptions can help us see ourselves more clearly.  

So, like the former English teacher I am, I decided to ponder the dictionary definitions of honor...

1. Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: a person of honor
2. a source of credit or distinction: to be an honor to one's own family
3. high respect, as for worth, merit or rank: to be held in honor.
4. such respect manifested: a memorial in honor of the dead
5. high public esteem, fame, glory

The list of definitions went on to 24 distinctions of and for Honor. I can call to mind many people I believe are examples of honor...My Mom, my Aunt, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, the men and women who serve our country just to name a few. For me, these people embody many of the definitions. In the answer to the question about myself, I now say I strive to live my life with honor. To me calling oneself honorable feels almost egotistical.  I would rather live my life, knowing the definition, working to emulate the actions of those on my list and be the best most honorable person I can be. And hopefully, when I leave this world, someone will reflect back on who I was and say "She lived her life with honor." Something to ponder on this beautiful day, y'all ;).

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought

"Mine honour is my life; both grow in one; take honour from me and my life is done." ~William Shakespeare

Tidbits for and about Life

READ!  So many people say they aren't readers. I don't get that!  To me that statement just means they haven't found the genre that motivates them. Read, read, read until you do find the genre and then read everything that genre has to offer!  If you are a reader, push out of your comfort genre. I find that reading helps me explore more about myself. And, sometimes there are these great characters who I admire that change the way I view the world. It's worth it!

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Mom and T25

Okay, so the title is weird, I know, but it is the catalyst of my blog today. T25 kicked my ass today. That's the absolute truth and really just a way for me to dovetail into talking about my Mom. You see, I was an avid T25 Practitioner until December of 2014 when my Mom, who had health issues, took a turn. Now, I'm not blaming my Mom's health for my lack of motivation. It was just life and sometimes that's the only answer. Today was a big step on the journey of self study and a way for me to return to myself a little bit. 

Let me go back a little.  My Mom died on May 29th, 2015. Literally a week before I had to pack up my entire life, leave the business I love and move to Kentucky, 11 hours away from my friends and family. A part of me was grateful that she passed before I left because leaving her would have been the hardest thing I would have ever had to do in my life. But as they say, hind sight is 20/20. You see, leaving has made it very easy for me not to grieve, not to accept the fact that she is gone. I've known people who have lost parents.  I have cried with them/for them, felt compassion and sympathy but nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the gut wrenching, paralyzing grief that comes from losing a parent.

My Mom and I, we had our moments throughout the years.  The fights when I was a teen, the pushing of independence, blah blah blah...because really that's all it is is blah! The core of our relationship, through everything, was complete love. Her face, her smile, her smell all of it are love to me. The core of what this word means. As I take this journey to create a deeper understanding of who I am I know the foundation of me was built on her, who she was in this world and who she will continue to be as people remember her, tell her stories and share her within their own worlds.

I know today's blog is heavy, but it's honest. And that my dear friends is what self study is all about. Being honest with your heart. After my Mom passed a friend mentioned, that she heard, you must tell your story 1,000 times before you can start healing. That's what I'm going to do!

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

If you have not read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz I highly recommend the book, especially if you are serious about your journey of self study. There are so many aspects of who we are that are "learned behaviors" stemming from family and friends. It's important to see yourself in a very authentic way, not as the person you were formed into but as the person you knows and understands your own heart.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Where do I go from here?

To be honest, I wasn't sure after my first blog where to go from there. I've spent a few days, okay a week, pondering. I decided in the morning to take my pondering on a walk around my new neighborhood. It's fairly large with a lot of roads that end in cul-de-sacs. The perfect setting for a peaceful, walking mediation. Not to mention a great butt lift from all the enormous hills!  Sneakers laced I began my journey.

From road to road I could not seem to get away from the garbage truck!  At first I was completely annoyed because it was loud and smelled awful. Hey, it was completely interrupting my Zen moment!  Then, a light bulb began to float above my head as I remembered that great story, first told to me by my mentor, Marianne Wells, that I shared in many a Yoga class. The story is called The Law of the Garbage Truck. If you haven't read it before it is definitely worth googling (when did that become an actual word)...

ANYWAY, the gist of the story is, people can dump their trash on you all day long, it's up to you whether or not you allow their figurative garbage to impact you and if you do are you going to spread that trash elsewhere. Much like the bad friend of paying it forward. So, as I really begin to think about this journey of self-study I realized my first reaction to the garbage truck was annoyance and anger. Once the light bulb appeared I began to change my view.  Here is what I learned:

1. My neighborhood remains a beautiful place to live because of the people working on the truck.
2. The people who work on these trucks are some of the hardest working people I have seen. It was very hot outside, they were all wearing long pants, long sleeves, boots and gloves!  Imagine the heat for them. And, then think about the winter!  YIKES!
3. Collecting trash seems like a thankless job. Next time you encounter your trash collector, smile, wave and say thank you. 

So, the lesson for me today wasn't new really, it was/is a reminder, be careful where you allow your mind to go. Keep feeding the negative thoughts and life will follow that path. Change your outlook, smile, appreciate, enjoy and feel the impact this has on your body, mind, and spirit! I am grateful the garbage truck became part of my experience today.

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thoughts/Tidbits for and about Life

"Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other." ~Randy Pausch

Create a space in your home, small or large, that brings you peace. Load it up with things you love, pictures and quotes that inspire you, mementos from trips or friends. Each time you look at this space it will remind you to smile, breathe and feel grateful.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Time for Some Self-Study

As I set out on this new adventure, the big move “down south”, a few people told me I should start a blog. My initial reaction was why and who would want to hear what I have to say? The weeks began to pass and as I let the idea sit it started to take on a life of it’s own. At first I was going to wait until I had the perfect space in my new home to get started. You know how it goes, storyboards, inspirational quotes everywhere, perfect music, perfect stack of noteworthy books, etc. Well, a few weeks ago I went to a wonderful Yoga class (which let’s face it is hard for me because my heart belongs to Pink Lotus!). Throughout class the instructor kept pulling us back to Svadhyaya or self-study, one of the eight limbs, part of the Niyamas. She said something that I had forgotten…"our comfortable seat is inside us, it travels with us wherever we go, allow yourself to find that comfortable seat in every situation, at every moment throughout your life." Big light bulb…why the heck do I need the “perfect space”? The words are inside me. And now, My Kentucky Life is formed, just like that.

In thinking about creating this blog, I really needed it to have a direction. This move, as well as other aspects of my life that have changed drastically in the past few months (Preview for upcoming blogs fyi), is part of my journey.  To learn more about myself and grow but always remain rooted within myself. I hope you enjoy the journey with me, embark on your own journey of self-study and share that journey with me in the comment section. I want to hear all about the realizations in your life. I’m going to keep the tone of the blog as I would teaching a Yoga class. Because let’s face it, I miss teaching a lot right now! Svadhyaya HERE WE COME! 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thoughts/Tidbits for and about Life

"Each day, ACCEPT everything that comes to you as a gift. At night, mentally give is all back. In this way, you become FREE. No one can ever take anything from you, for nothing is yours." ~Zen Card

Lake Cumberland, which is a mile from my house, is the houseboat capital of the world! Don’t believe me? Check out the YouTube videos! Lake Cumberland Fun

My brother gives various talks for work and always includes a life lesson, something fun and obvious that we rarely think of so I’m going to share those as well…

“If a woman enters a coffee shop while a gentleman holds the door for her, the woman should offer him her spot in line. Technically it would have been his spot had he not spent the time to hold the door. A true gentleman will decline the offer."

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com