Why Today?

I had a memory a few days ago. Well, really just a small thread, that when pulled, the memory came back. It's funny how memories work that way sometimes. But, before I can tell you that I must go back...

There is a moment, the before and the after, when you realize, no matter what happens from that point on, your life will be forever altered. For me that moment was a Wednesday morning in May. My Mom was in the hospital again (7th time I think since December). We all knew this time felt different. My sister and brother took the late shift with Mom the night before and I took the morning shift. By morning Mom had been moved to a different floor, one that I was unfamiliar with. Trust me, after 6 months we all knew Cooper Hospital very well. I was instantly on alert because of the floor change. The moment I walked onto the new floor things started to happen in this very surreal way. The Doctor, who was on the phone, looked up at me when I said; "I'm here to see my Mom, Mary Jo Mullen." Instantly he hung up the phone, walked up to me and introduced himself. For me, that is the moment, the before and the after. If you have ever been in a situation like this you know there is a lot of medical this and medical that but the reality is you already know the outcome. The bizarre thing about a loved one dying after being sick is you are supposed to have all of this time to "prepare". Right? But no amount of preparing gets you ready for THAT moment. The call the rest of the family, time is no longer on your side, spend as much time as you can with the person, pray, cry, love, kiss, hug moment. And the thought, Why Today?

A lot happened over the course of the next few days which thankfully included my Mom being able to come home for her last moments. The thing is, I have all of these holes in my memory not just during that week, but the next few months. I feel like I woke up one morning in a strange house in a strange state and was like OH YEAH! THAT ALL HAPPENED!

I have to keep reminding myself that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Part of me handling everything was to...in the words of my Mother...sweep it under the rug. In my own limited capacity as a human I had to box things up in tiny little packages to be handled at a later date. So, these threads of memory are the little boxes I am ready to unpack. The memories of those final days with my Mom, the week between her death and her funeral and the move immediately after. I'm ready. Some of it is going to be painful. I might even let the tears come (stay tuned for an update on that) but I am ready. No one can move forward without dealing with the emotions of the past.

Today, I'm not a big fan of self study! Some days we will be and some days we won't. It's all part of the journey...the good, the bad, the ugly, warts and all. Try not to pick and choose where this path takes you. Open yourself up to yourself, no matter what bends and twists you might encounter on the road. 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Today I simply leave you with my favorite quote: "We can't do anything about the length of our life but we can do something about the width and depth." ~Shira Tehrani

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Words of Wisdom

I finally went back to Mass over Labor Day Weekend. I admit my absence was partially my being lazy but a lot of the reason was facing my grief. Church has always been a very spiritual place for me, where I often tear up. So, I knew my return would bring up a lot for me. With the start of CCD for my children I guess you can say there was a big boot on my butt pushing me back. But that's life, right? Of course upon my return 4 out of the 6 songs that day were songs from my Mom's funeral! Needless to say, I was pretty happy I didn't know anyone!

The point is, I was so happy I chose that day to return to Church. A new Priest joined my parish here. To try to describe him is words would be very difficult. You just have to take my word for it that he is very different from the Priests I am use to (not meant in a good or bad way at all). When it came time for the Homily I was so interested in what he had to say, and I was not disappointed. To paraphrase he pointed out that as humans our nature is to stick close to people who believe the same things we do, who value the same things we do. Now this makes sense if you think about it. Like minded people moving in little pods together. But what he pointed out was if we live like this always, without taking a chance to converse with someone outside this pod (I'm calling it a pod by that way) we are missing out on opportunities for growth.  He asked that we just simply listen to the thoughts and opinions of others. We don't have to share them, adopt them, live them, but we should at least listen. It's the act of listening that affords US an opportunity to grow within our own lives. Think about how quick you may be to defend your way of thinking...is that out of some fear of letting go?

I like to listen to the thoughts and opinions of others. And I do sometimes find myself swayed by their words. At points in my life I took this as a weakness within myself. Almost like I wasn't standing by my beliefs in a strong enough way. As I matured I realized that wasn't true. I started to see the world through my own heart. (Insert plug for the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, please read). 

I am still working hard on learning my own heart but I really loved the way this Priest expressed the importance of the art of listening. Give yourself permission to at least listen, with an open mind. Then, look within your heart, have the courage to change if it feels authentic to you, trust your inner voice.

Namaste Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind." ~James Trunslow Adams

"One thing: you have to walk, and create the way by your walking; you will not find a ready-made path." ~Osho

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

It's the strangest thing...

The strangest part of my life right now is my "position" within my family unit. Before our move, I knew so many people around the community through my business, various volunteer organizations, church, school, etc. My children hated to go anywhere with me because I always ran into people I know. Now, as a stay-at-home Mom, my husband goes to work everyday, my kids head off to school and I hang out at my house!  Their pockets of friends are growing, they are making connections within this new community. It's harder for me since I am home. Now, this may sound like I am complaining but I'm actually not. This is a major step for me in my life and one I'm enjoying. Here is why...

You know what I really like about this new found dynamic?  My life during the day is very quiet. I've never had that before. I didn't realize how much I surrounded myself with people and noise until it was gone. It's like my mind is on this extremely peaceful hiking trip in nature. And, honestly, at the moment, I'm enjoying it.  I'm learning to become more decisive, less stressed, more open to everything around me. And, I'm able to listen to the little messages my Mom plops into my head every once in a while. A song she always sang is just in there, a word or a phrase she would always use just pops up. Mostly it's the things she hasn't said in years that I find the most delightful when they appear.

Part of my practice with Yoga is learning to quiet my mind, to meditate, to find peace without all the mind chatter. I always struggled with this. Sure, I would go through the motions, dust off my meditation pillow, sit and empty my mind. But once I was finished, I would head right back to the noise of life feeling the same way I did before the meditation session. I am learning I don't need to do anything structured or fancy to become quiet and to hold onto the quiet. I just give myself permission to sit in a place of peace throughout the day. 

Where is this lesson taking us you might ask? I know not everyone has long moments of quiet throughout the day and not everyone practices Yoga. Simply look for that time. Maybe it's in the car when you are commuting, or right before you climb into bed at night. Find a few moments to turn off the noise. It's not easy, trust me but it will be worth it! Quiet is a beautiful thing, available to us as often as we choice to seek it out.

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

“Each place is the right place--the place where I now am can be a sacred space.”

~Ravi Ravindra

Kenucky is known as the Bluegrass State. I have been fascinated by this because quite frankly the grass looks as green here as it does in the North East. I did a little research and this is what I found..."Bluegrass is not really blue--its green--but in the spring bluegrass produces bluish purple buds that when seen in large fields give a blue cast to the grass." I'm looking forward to my first Spring here to gaze upon the bluegrass. If I find any come Spring, I'll post some pictures!

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

If you enjoy my blog, please follow my great friend, Kelly, at Mind-Body-Soul Living.

"Inner Compass"

Who doesn't have a Alex and Ani bracelet these days or know someone who does? Me, I'm slightly, borderline obsessed with them!  Mostly, I love the cards that come with the bracelets. I am a firm believer in putting things on my body that mean something. I have been wearing the same necklace since 2010, the same earrings since 2006 and the same ring...okay it's my wedding ring...since 2000. These items all mean something to me. So, I absolutely cherish this new "fad" in jewelry. 

My most recent bracelet came from my cousin. It's called "Take The Wheel". The wheel charm is reminiscent of the wheel of a boat. The card details the significance of this wheel. "Your inner compass will steer you in the right direction. Providing you with guidance on your life's journey, it points the way that leads to a brighter future. Embrace a new start, take the wheel, and realize that all things are possible when you trust your inner power." I LOVE THIS. The Yoga girl in me just finds the whole thing very 3rd eye. The self study girl in me see this as a powerful reminder to trust myself. 

In all honesty though, we don't have to make a big move, change jobs, start writing a book to embrace a new start. Each day, each moment is a choice. Are we going to look at where we are in our journey, analyze our self at that moment and move forward or keep standing in the same place?

Confession time, I am prone to depression and anxiety. I have been medicated for it off and on over a number of years. My Yoga practice has given me the tools I need to deal with the things life throws my way. But, with the death of my Mom, some days the lure to stay in bed is so strong I am just proud of myself if I get off the couch!  You know what I learned...that is okay. Each day is a moment. Accept who we are at that moment but don't let it pull us under. Keep moving. Take the wheel and remember that all things are possible. One of many of my Mom's famous phrases was "give yourself a shake". Sometimes this phrase would bug the s*$% out of me, but that phrase has kept me moving these past few months.

For me, a huge part of self study is knowing where my emotions are headed and remembering I have the tools inside me to move forward. I use Yoga and exercise to release whatever I am dealing with, to face it feeling stronger. Figure out what works for you and commit to it! 

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

More words from my brother who various talks for work and always includes a life lesson, something fun and obvious that we think but may not articulate. This is one of my favorites!

"When waiting for your luggage at baggage claim at the airport you are to stay five steps back from the carousel as to not crowd it for other people who need to grab their luggage as well. When you see your bag simply step up, grab it and step away. The hovering of the baggage claim carousel is one of the largest offenses in this world."

Perfect gift...Alex and Ani...check them out. A portion of the proceeds from each purchase is donated to charity. I love that about this company.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

What paralyzes you?

One thing I know about myself -  I have a hard time expressing my own truth, really standing up for myself. I tend toward the side of keeping the peace, not rocking the boat as they say. This is a very paralyzing way to be. I can almost feel the words and phrases trapped in my throat, just wanting to work their way out. I've been working on this about myself for a while now, years actually. My Yoga practice has helped me tremendously but with this transition time in my life I find myself falling back into the patterns of behavior I used before to keep myself safe. Even typing this is hard for me, I feel the urge to stop as this is deeply personal. 

As a result of this...shall we say aspect of my personality...I tend to draw people to me who eventually take advantage of me. I, with my infinite desire to make people happy and stay quiet, become an easy target. Little by little I find myself cowering in these relationships which is definitely not good on the self-esteem front!  

I could type and type away on this topic but that's not the point of my blog. The point is for each of us to recognize aspects of ourselves, both positive and negative, as our path of self-study. Truly look at what paralyzes you in your own life and work to remove that obstacle. I've really come to realize over the last few years that I  can continue to cower, allow myself to be taken advantage of, in one way or another, stop forging relationships, stop trusting people. OR, I can learn from these relationships, almost feel grateful for their place in my life as an opportunity to grow. You see, here's the thing, I like people, I enjoy having relationships with people. I have a big heart and I want to continue to allow my circle to grow.

My growth will come from trusting my instincts, listening to my inner voice and stopping this pattern of relationships before they get too far in my life. The crazy thing is, even with this hanging out there in my life, I also have some of the most wonderful people in my circle. People who fit like puzzle pieces in my life. Huh, maybe that's the lesson...life is all about balance right.  The good and the bad, the yin and the yang. Remember, life is about creating yourself!

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

"The posture of Yoga is steady and easy, firm and soft." Marianne Wells' translation of The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

This is my favorite of all the Yoga Sutras. I repeat this to myself often, as a mantra, throughout my physical practice. Now I am beginning to enjoy it as a metaphor for life. As we self reflect, see aspects of ourselves we would like to modify, relax your efforts a bit, hold steady and firm on the path but allow yourself to move forward with softness and ease.

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Honor, Live It

I saw the title of today's blog on a billboard on my way to the grocery store yesterday. I was so struck by it that I replayed the quote over and over in my mind throughout the day. I reflected on whether or not I believe I am living my life with honor. Of course my first thought was sure I am.  But, am I truly reflecting on what honor means before answering to myself?  Would other people view me as honorable? Now, I know, if we are working on self-study why do we care what people think but sometimes others' perceptions can help us see ourselves more clearly.  

So, like the former English teacher I am, I decided to ponder the dictionary definitions of honor...

1. Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: a person of honor
2. a source of credit or distinction: to be an honor to one's own family
3. high respect, as for worth, merit or rank: to be held in honor.
4. such respect manifested: a memorial in honor of the dead
5. high public esteem, fame, glory

The list of definitions went on to 24 distinctions of and for Honor. I can call to mind many people I believe are examples of honor...My Mom, my Aunt, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, the men and women who serve our country just to name a few. For me, these people embody many of the definitions. In the answer to the question about myself, I now say I strive to live my life with honor. To me calling oneself honorable feels almost egotistical.  I would rather live my life, knowing the definition, working to emulate the actions of those on my list and be the best most honorable person I can be. And hopefully, when I leave this world, someone will reflect back on who I was and say "She lived her life with honor." Something to ponder on this beautiful day, y'all ;).

Namaste My Dear Friends.

Inspirational Thought

"Mine honour is my life; both grow in one; take honour from me and my life is done." ~William Shakespeare

Tidbits for and about Life

READ!  So many people say they aren't readers. I don't get that!  To me that statement just means they haven't found the genre that motivates them. Read, read, read until you do find the genre and then read everything that genre has to offer!  If you are a reader, push out of your comfort genre. I find that reading helps me explore more about myself. And, sometimes there are these great characters who I admire that change the way I view the world. It's worth it!

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com