Mother's Day

Not surprisingly, as Mother's Day approaches, I've spent a lot of time thinking about my Mom. I've realized that the way I handle my unbelievable sadness is by lashing out at those who love me. Instead of crying or admitting I am sad I just have a short fuse. Definitely not my most attractive quality and not exactly healthy for my relationships but a good realization for our theme of self study! So instead of focusing on the loss of my Mom I'm going to focus on the beauty of being a Mom!

I was not one of those little girls who played Mommy to her dolls, or dreamed of being a Mom. In actuality I tried to convince my husband that we should be "Sinks", a play on the phrase "Dinks". Sinks = single income no kids (haha). I would joke with Steve that we could buy a boat and I would spend my days taking care of it while Steve worked! But, God had different plans for me and I became a Mom. It wasn't a role I fit into immediately but it was the best thing to ever happen to me and the biggest joy of my life.

James, my first, is this funny, sweet, intelligent little man. He had the chubbiest face, fingers and toes as a baby/toddler. I loved to see them all wrinkly and squishy in the bath or pool. He questioned everything and remembered every detail of what he was told. He memorized the exact words from stories read to him and would retell the story in long, sometimes exhausting, detail. Now at 12 he's long and lean with an amazingly handsome face (don't tell him I wrote this he would never forgive me). He is very much like me so we can butt heads a lot but we have this amazing connection that I pray doesn't go away as he enters his teen years. He can be shy at times so I think people can miss how amazing he is. Knowing him is truly a gift.

Julia, my second, is this brave, strong, fierce bundle of energy. She had a lot of health issues as a child so my fear of losing her altered the way I parented her the first few years of her life. Since the time she was a tiny baby she amazed me with her strength and determination. Even when she is afraid or nervous she just takes a breath and pushes forward. With Julia what you see is what you get. She's real, authentic and genuine. I admire that about her. She never feels like she has to wear a mask. When you look into her eyes you see her beautiful light. She struggled this year with my Mom passing and the move. As a Mom it was so hard to see that light dull but I've loved watching it come back.

Honestly, there are no words that do justice to how I see my kids and how much I love being their Mom. I know the Moms out there can relate. At night I say to my kids, "Mommy must have done something that God really liked because out of all the Mommy's in the world He gave you to me and that makes me the luckiest Mommy there is." This little tradition, this phrase, sums up my feeling about Motherhood. In the awful words of Jerry McGuire, they complete me. I was meant to be their Mom. I love every minute of it...the hugs, laughs, fights, tears...every minute is a precious gift to me.

I miss my Mom, more than I realized I could miss someone. But this Mother's Day will be about love... passing on the love I was given by my Mom to my kids...celebrating how lucky I was to have a Mom like her...making sure my kids know how much I love them and how much their Mom Mom loved them too. Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there!

Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

A little tidbit for the weekend, call someone you love just because you can! Whether this person is a Mom or not telling someone how much they mean to you is important. Mother's Day is about love. Pay it forward.

There are so many amazing things going on at Pink Lotus all the time! Check out this awesome studio! I will be co-teaching a workshop June 4th with the amazing Danna! Make sure you sign up. Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

Not for The Sensitive or Faint of Heart

Today my mind feels like it is going to explode. Like scalp shooting off, sparks flying, fire igniting, bomb blast type of explosion. As I continue to replay an intelligent, thought provoking conversation my husband and I had with our kids last night I can't help but feel such sorrow for the things they know and question at the ages of almost 10 and 12. Even though I am proud of their astute nature, deductive reasoning skills, compassion and empathy there are so many elements of the world I did not wish for them to be introduced to at a young age...racism, discrimination, homophobia, socio-economic impacts, sexism...this was a DEEP conversation. And, not the first of its kind in our home.

Now, this is not a political or religious blog, this is a self-study blog. I will not address my stance on these issues nor ask you to argue your views. What I suggest to all of us, myself included, is to think about the world you would like to pass along to your children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc. Do you picture a world filled with fear, hate, greed, crime, war? I'm not saying sunshine and daises with the planet skipping into the sunset together, I'm a realist of sorts. What I'm asking for, praying for, is a world where people can be who they are and who they want to be.

If our goal here is self-study then do that, study yourself and allow other people to study themselves. Right? (Side note: if you are still reading my blog I'm assuming your thinking is fairly succinct with my thinking). Too often people hide behind the wall of their designated group and the ideals passed down through this group. For me, Irish Catholic is my main "group". I'm proud of who I am and where I came from and the path that was laid down for me but I know my own mind, my own beliefs and my path.  I teach my children to find their way, to look within their own heart and soul and to see the world from that place.

We have a little mantra in my house, "There are plenty of people in the world to be mean to us, we do not need to be mean to each other." It's true, sad, but true. This mantra first began as a way for me to teach my kids not to bicker or pick on each other but it's grown into something much larger as they are exposed to and learn hard life lessons. My daughter has even developed her own mantra, "Faith Not Fear". Who the children of the world become is a direct reflection of what they see and hear. Look within, what impact are you making, what wisdom are you imparting, how are you shaping the world you live in? Let's do it together :)

Namaste My Dear Friends!

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

This quote is posted all the time on social media, reproduced on posters, cards, etc. There is a reason for that! "Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Ghandi

There are so many amazing things going on at Pink Lotus all the time! Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

It's a BEAR

The other day while working out in my basement I heard a loud rustling noise from the floor above me. Assuming it was my dogs, I checked on them and was surprised to find them sleeping peacefully on my bed. I returned to my activities forgetting all about the noise. Once I finished my workout I went back upstairs to stretch. Hearing the noise again, loud, I was instantly on alert. In a matter of seconds my mind processed two thoughts...the noise was coming from the laundry room (a little closet type room in the hallway between my kitchen and my bedroom) and it must be a BEAR!

Now, I must explain that my house sits on the side of a very steep hill, the basement is only in-ground at the front of the house therefore the "main" floor is two stories up at the back of the house. The laundry room runs along this back wall. So, unless a BEAR walked through the front door or up the 25 steps to my back deck and entered my house through the sliding glass door the chances of this noise being a bear were impossible. Okay, I realize there are many other reasons this noise could not be a bear, like it would never fit in my laundry room! The point is my imagination processed this scene in a very bizarre way! Once reason kicked in, this moment of terror faded...seriously I pictured myself sliding the laundry room door open to find a giant black bear hanging out in there.

Here's the thing, our minds are very complex and our imagination is filled with stories and images. Often times we allow this imaginative mind to take on a life of it's own and create our reality. Have you ever had an argument with another person play out in your head only to find an easy going conversation take place once you presented your point? Have you ever imagined a scenario playing out one way but the reality of it was completely different? Our imagination is a wonderful tool that can help us de-stress, create, mold life goals, but it can also add to our stress when we let our imagination form our reality.

What does this have to do with self-study you might ask? It's a lesson in keeping track of our thoughts. Making sure we use our mind to create the life we want, to be at peace, to live in the moment and to remind ourselves to let life unfold as it is meant to for our life path. Master your mind and create clarity in your life. 

Namaste my dear friends,
Colleen

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

“You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.” ― Roman Payne

There are so many amazing things going on at Pink Lotus all the time! Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

The Big One

So, it's been a while since I've blogged. Between my trip to Costa Rica and my children's many snow days finding my routine has been difficult. However, this lack of routine doesn't mean lack of self-study. Self-study is a daily process of getting to know ourselves on a deeper level. It takes work, determination, honesty and motivation. Over the last six weeks I have learned some pretty important lessons about myself and I am determined to use these lessons to make myself stronger.

Today I will pass along with you one of these lessons, the big one, a very hard lesson for me to learn and share. But, truly one of the most important lessons I have ever learned about myself. Bits and pieces of the big picture have revealed themselves to me over the past few years but that "AH HA" moment came just recently and I must say it came with great relief! Apparently I have been using a lot of energy looking for myself in the eyes of other people. Listening to what they have to say about me and believing these words to be truth.  From the words of others, over the course of my life, I have changed my behavior or fashioned myself in such a way to fit this IDEA of who I am. This stems from a lack of trust in myself, as well as a lack of confidence in who I am. Through a lot of self reflection I realized there are moments in my life where I allowed this to happen and moments in my life where I felt stronger and ultimately more self-aware that I did not follow that path.

To add a layer to this, there are definitely people in my life, and yours as well, who DO see us exactly as we are, unconditionally supporting and loving us. The question is, how do we decipher the difference between those with pure intentions from those without? The only answer I can come up with, at this point, is it doesn't really matter right now. What matters is learning who we are without the influence of others. Learning who we are will help us sever the existing relationships (and not create new relationships) that don't lift us up leaving only the pure of heart by our sides.

I love the quote from C.G. Jung, "Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens." This quote has returned to me a number of times over the last several years. These past weeks I am reminded of it daily. You see, we all get "stuck" in our own dysfunctional patterns of behavior. The task of changing them seems daunting. I know with each realization I have, my mind literally says "oh crap!" There is this inner sigh and moment of pause but ultimately the forward movement away from the behavior is liberating. 

Keep up the good work! Message me on Facebook or email me at liveurdharma@gmail.com. I want to hear your story.

Much love to all of you in this new year. May your path of self study be filled with light and hope.

Namaste my dear friends,
Colleen

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

I am seriously OBSESSED with this salad! It is so yummy and healthy and incredibly easy to make! It even keeps well in the fridge for a few meals during the week. Just be sure to add the avocado per portion. Kale Quinoa Salad

There are so many amazing things going on at Pink Lotus all the time! Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com

New Year, new you? Who says?!?

I'm not a big believer in New Year's Resolutions. I only kept one resolution in my entire 42 years of life. I thought a lot about whether or not I wanted to make one this year to see if I can repeat the one year victory. After much thought, I decided No. Truly, in my soul, I feel that what we are doing here...self study...is enough. This is the path. Why judge ourselves for being too this or not enough that? Like I say to my kids, and they say to each other, "There are plenty of people in the world to be mean to us, we don't need to be mean to each other." The same is true for our internal dialogue. Just sit with yourself. Embrace and love all parts of who you are. Decide to live a better version of you by getting to know yourself this year. Continue this path with me.

With that said, go ahead and spend some time reflecting on the year that's passed. Truth be told, I really hated 2015! There has never been a year that I hated but I hated that one. But, you know what, I may have suffered this past year, more than some and less than a lot of others, I am stronger now. I am a better version of myself. All of this time, through this blog, I was trying to find a way back to myself. A dear friend changed my perspective on that journey. I will never be Colleen from before, life has changed me. Time to let go, move forward, and trust the path that I am on. So, look back and move forward with your newest version. You and I have the power to make 2016 anything we want it to be.

I'm heading out of the country for a few weeks to journey alongside a group of Yogis training to be Yoga teachers with my beautiful Guru, mentor and friend, Marianne Wells. Costa Rica here I come...I know, poor me :). Use the next few weeks to discover something new about yourself. Message me on Facebook or email me at liveurdharma@gmail.com. I want to hear your story.

Much love to all of you in this new year. May your path of self study be filled with light and hope.

Namaste my dear friends,
Colleen

Inspirational Thought/Tidbits for and about Life

Need a vacation? Costa Rica was named one of the happiest places on earth by the Travel Channel, Happiest Place!  Start planning!!!!!!!! 

My amazing football obsessed son, along with my equally football obsessed husband, are now posting videos of mock NFL drafts. Check them out at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIWmzbu5Lmg

Check out this awesome studio! Take a class, get to know the amazing instructors and enjoy your journey of self discovery, pinklotusnj.com